Put out the fire on us...

ah today sucked. I was doing so well untill the end, LIKE ALWAYS. All I was going to eat today was an egg and a piece of toast. I burned 593 calories on the Elliptical today, which was only 50 minutes. -_- I was going to go for 60+ but my mother came in and was like: "how yah doing?" She would have flipped if I said I had done 50 minutes so I said I only did 30. Her response?

"oh yeah, once you start getting good at it, you can start turning up the intensity buy making it higher and heavy to lift!"

well no duh. I had already done that anyways and told her: "hmm yeah your right!"
*insert smiley rolling eyes here* I'm honestly starting to think that my mom is jealous of me. i know that sounds so ridiculous and makes me seem self conscious but it's true. She's not really in shape and I know she wasn't in high school either. She always rants about personality is so important and looks is nothing. Thats I'm ;perfect' just the way I am. WHAT BULL. I just think she doesn't believe in being skinny, like she thinks it isn't natural to be. If your a little overweight it's 'normal' and considered healthy?!! WTF.

GOD this sucks, I am NOWHERE near my GW and school is literally in like two WEEKS. I CAN'T LOSE 20 POUNDS IN TWO WEEKS?! That is unless I fast which is extremely impossible because ym mom watches me like a hawk.

I am really not looking forward to school shopping. It's going to suck and make me so depressed. Whats the point of buying new clothes if I just look UGLY AND FAT in them?! Man, this sucks. Especially with the freshmen coming in from last year I don't like. They'll see how fat I am and think they're better than me. All super skinny and perfect....wearing the best clothes because they can...getting all the guys....FDKJFGH-FUUUUUUUUUU.

Now I'm really depressed. I going to go do 400 sit ups. At least I'm going on a 8 mile hike tomorrow. and THANK GOD, my mom won't go with us. So I'm going to try and fast being Im so effing fat I don't deserve to eat.

I got my permit today. I got 90% on the test, the lady said it was the highest score she ahd seen all day. I got it on the first try. I think that's the most positive-non failure like thing that's happened to me in months.

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