FUDGE. I'm pissed and depressed.
ONE. Because obviously I'm a teenager, therefor I have to have teenage angst and go around whining: "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME". My mom in particular is annoying the crap out of me. This is random BUT OH MY GOD THIS IS A GOOD SONG THAT JUST CAME ON. (electro-socket blues- Rouge wave.) Anyway, because my brother is going off to college, for some reason my mother has it in here head that it's 'bonding time' with her daughter. It's pissing me off. I am truly starting to believe that shes the reason I have no friends and I'm the reason why she doesn't get a lot with my dad anymore. I've started acting older and she started acting younger. So because of this I've decided the best thing to do is to cut her off completely.
End of discussion.
TWO. I'm depressed because school started and I'm loaded with homework. I didn't finish buying all of ym school clothes so my outfits look like crap. The last reason...is rather long. I actually started writing this blog yesterday but got so depressed I couldn't write. Then after that I worked out. It always makes me feel a tiny bit better. Basically, there's this really hot guy in three of my classes. Yesterday, my friend Carrie walked up and started talking and laughing with him instantly. Whenever she says something in class he instantly laughs.
One of the main reason my ED started was because Carrie was my best friend in middle school. She got asked out all the time and was constantly complemented. On her myspace she had 40+ comments on her pictures saying how pretty she was. She got asked out all the time and was super popular. I was just there like a wallflower. This started my depression which led to my ED. So of course when this all happened yesterday it instantly sent me into a deep depression. I cried the most I've cried in months. Because of this I'm fasting today. No food shall surpass my lips into my fat body.
Yesterday I also figured out I have EDONS. Which basically means I still get my monthly gift from mother nature., -_- (which it not technically true, I get it every other month or more) and you still have a normal body weight. This much is true. A lot of people thing that just because you have an ED your automatically stick thin. This isn't true.
sigh. Tonight I'm going to the first football home game. I really don't want to go but I think staying home would just make me more depressed. I'm already not going to the after game dance.
I'm..so pathetic.
You're not pathetic - trust me, I feel like that too, most of the time. I'm also loaded with homework... typical start of school year.
ReplyDeleteOne of my best friends is partly what makes me want to lose weight too - she's tiny, and beautiful. And she always seems to get noticed more than me. My other friends are all heavier than me but I still feel fatter than them, as they are all very pretty. Oh well. I'm determined to lose weight and become a better person myself. :)
Thanks for following my blog too. :) I've only started it recently so I didn't have very many followers. :)
Hope to see you on PT,
Evie x