(Lawls so sorry I forgot to tell you guys I would be gone for 10 days on vacation. )
Mother effing- ugh. So. I basically binged really bad last night/day. I don't know the calories but it was bad. I have now come to the conclusion that I can no longer fast, unless busy.
When I'm fasting..and I'm bored, I'm just stuck alone with my thoughts which is torture. At least when I keep busy I don't think about it as much. I remember the first time I fasted. It was for once day. I had been at school all day then when strait to my friends after school. Then later we went to a movie. I came home later, around 11 ish and went strait to bed. Busy busy busy.
Thin needs to come back up because I am so effing bored. I went back through and watched all of Jenna Marbels videos on youtube again. (If you haven't heard of her you totally should shes HILARIOUS ). Now I'm contemplating doing it with my other subscriptions.
I've been thinking a lot of about school/ college lately. And that basically I'm just going to be as fat as I was when I left. On vacation I bought two shirt for school. Figured I would try on some jeans...AND I'M STILL THE SAME EFFING SIZE. Sometimes I just want to cuss all over the place...but I can't. Reminds me to much of my childhood. I've also been thinking of going vegan. I really really badly want to do it but I know my family will make fun of me. They did when I contemplated about being vegetarian. Sigh. Another thing I'll have to do in college.
Why am I listening to Kpop right now. (GUILTY PLEASURE OK, LEAVE ME ALONE.)
So yeah, hoping today won't be a total failure for once. I just have to avoid these babies all day:
Carrot cake muffins with a butter cream frosting. not to mention there's left over frosting on the fridge. I've already been on the internet for 2 hours, watched TV for 1, done yoga and washed my face. -_- It's times like these that actually make me wonder if I did lose 22 pounds that one summer. It seems like now it was all in my head.
I have a pathetic excuse for an eating disorder.