Friday, February 3, 2012

Didn't you hear, Jealousy is on the rise again!

Eyyyy been a week or so. New week of the semester started. Only half a year left of junior year, thank god. Need to get out of here already.

Things have been..meh. I still haven't gotten around to writing. I really want to I just never seem to get around to it. Maybe I'll force myself to sit down and WRITE. I'm just so extremely self conscious about my art and writing, I know its crap without even doing it. No amount of words can change that.

I just want to be happy, I just want to be a normal happy person. Someone who knew what they were and didn't care what others thought. Having natural beauty always helps too....

There's just this girl in some of my classes I just cant help but be overwhelmingly jealous of her. I don't think I've ever been so jealous of someone. She has natural beauty and has these gorgeous blue eyes. She just slaps on some mascara and BAM , PERFECT. While I pack on tons of everything to hide my nasty skin, not to mention ton of eyeshadow and blah. Just so you can get an idea, she looks like freakin Alexis Bledel. She has this perfect body, and gets all A's. All the girls always say how perfect she is, how beautiful she is. Her style is effortless, and shes nice to everybody, confident but not too confident. And she doesn't care what people think, she doesn't care if people see she knows/talks about deeper meanings in things. If I were to say half the things she does on those deeper things people would look at me like I'm crazy.

Ugh, sigh. Jealousy is eating me inside. Everyday I see this perfect vision of myself in my head. And everyday it seems farther away.

I'm going to spend a large part of this weekend alone. Cleaning my room and working out. Be a hermit and foo my homework early for no reason at all. Its my brothers birthday this weekend so there will be a small family gathering, I'm sure.

I forgot to mention that I went vegetarian about 5 days ago. Saw a cow get shot in the head twice on google's Life in a Day. Cried for about an looked like it was in so much pain. It was twitch on the first shot to the head, so they had to do another. After that they showed it throat being slit. Been meatless for about 5 days, it's been forcing me to eat more fruit which I guess is good. Ugh that poor cow, the image just keeps replaying in my head.

How is it I'm finally getting exercise and food routine down, but all my emotions just decided to go whack? They're like "ahh fuck it, lets be the screw ups, like we always are!"

Changed my profile picture to me, btw. It was a photo I semi-liked. Yes, the wonders of instagram.

1 comment:

  1. i hate being jealous of someone, and it sucks more when you have to see them most days, so i definitely know how you feel! i totally dont blame you for going veggie, that video sounds awful :/ have a lovely weekend, xo.